Sevan Greene: OFFICIAL Blog

A Way to Get Back

2010-02-11T22:53:00.002-05:00

I have more than neglected this blog for ye very few people still reading it. It has been a hectic and busy few months with weeks of doing nothing and having no motivation to even blog.

I only seem to get that itch when I am ridiculously busy and for some reason need to keep adding to the list of things to do.

I am in Philadelphia right now rehearsing for the world premier of Yuseef El-Guindi's Language Rooms at The Wilma Theatre. I am ecstatic to play the lead in the show - the kind where I literally do not leave the stage save for a minute or two. The kind where I am in rehearsal every day for every single hour. The kind that is exhausting the shit out of me. But it's all good and I am enjoying it. http://www.wilmatheater.org/production/language-rooms (I play Ahmed)

Philly is a great town - even with the recent snowstorms. It's like an city suburban 'hood. It's a great place. I could see myself living here if I had the hankering to move. It's a nice place to work, but it does, oddly enough, make me miss being in NYC in my own place in my own bed. Though the actor housing is VERY generous. I can't complain (except for the intermittent heat).

The only drawback to doing this show is having to miss out on almost two months of meetings for the Public Theatre's Emerging Writers Group which I was accepted into in January http://publictheater.org/content/view/154/#2010

It is an amazing program and I say that with no artifice. The things they do for and provide for writers is remarkable. It is, quite literally, a dream. VERY supportive and open. I am already enamored of my fellow writers and can't wait to get back to them. I only see good things coming from this (hope hope hope).

Of course, it's only when I leave town to do a show that auditions start rolling in. The good thing is that there are A LOT of ethnic shows coming up (pilots) but I am in the middle of performances when most of them shoot. It's a gamble, but I don't think it's my TV time yet.

I aim to try and keep up with this as much as I can - but know full well that there are bound to gaps as I immerse myself in work or sloth.

Where in the World?

2009-06-01T11:14:00.004-04:00

Bad Sevan for not keeping up with the blog.

I wish I could claim being busy every single day of the last three months, thus leaving no time to blog, but the truth is, I was busy for half of it and lazy for the other half.

I've done a smattering of readings (it's the year of readings apparently) and my first show with Prospect Theatre Company in their dark night show Mapquest at 59E59. A great space. A great cast. And a fun experience working on 7 different pieces by 7 different composer/lyricist/writer scenes. It feels like a rep company because there is familial feeling to the organization that avoids nasty inbreeding. I am indebted to them for being offered three wildly random characters: a closeted 70s jock, a Jackson Heights Indian guru and watchseller, a piece of year-old salami. Yes, I do not lie.

The Williams College 2-day run of Betrayed went well. Had a great time walking around and enjoying nature. I think I would be bored out of mind if I lived there for more than a month or two as there is nothing much to Williamstown. But maybe this is an overture to doing an actual WTF show.

Unfortunately, as it turning out to be the norm nowadays, funding did not come through for our D.C. month-long run. So we all kind of stood around, mouths agape, and wondering what to do next. I am not sure if this is the end of the show or what is in store for it. It's the show that keeps on breathing and finding life, which it should. I just hope the forward momentum also pushes it up the hill.

I participated in my first NY Arab-American Comedy Festival, now in its 6th year, having been exposed to it last year as an audience member when I was first introduced to the notion of a "brown" community and what that meant. The festival also marked my debut as a writer. Now, as a writer of literary fiction, I was not even sure if I could even create something theatrically-based. Much to my surprise, I enjoyed it and think I have a wee bit of a knack for it. So much so that since then I have whipped up a screenplay (which has some interest in it from a local production company), a play I am halfway through, and another screenplay/play in the works. When it rains it pours. I don't know if I am actually any good at anything larger than the sketch I wrote for the festival, but this is the only way to find out.

But the festival was amazing, not only for the actual festival itself, but the people involved. Feeling like you are part of a community and being able to commiserate about issues in your industry that no one else can truly understand is such a liberating thing. I had a great time with it and can't wait to do it again.

I have a reading of a musical called Beauty Queen for 3Graces Theatre that I start rehearsing this month.

Auditions have been slim, but the ones coming in have been substantial. I think I need to get new headshots because I went in for a movie and the first thing the CD said was, "Wow, you look so much younger in person." And kept reiterating that. Granted, the part was in his 40s, which I could not even come close to passing off. Mayhaps he had a point.

I had two amazing auditions last week for two high-profile projects and got called back for both. My callback rate keeps improving, although the second-man syndrome thing is still alive and kicking.

At one of those auditions I learned a lesson that I always knew but kind of ignored. I have cuts of songs in my book, and very few of them have the rest of the songs with them. And the unspoken rule is: Know the entire song to all your cuts!

Much to my surprise, after I got there, I discovered they wanted to hear a whole song. Now...the song I had chosen...I knew the cut of. I have never memorized the whole song for any reason. Somehow, probably via osmosis of hearing the song over and over, I had a hail mary moment and did the whole song, remembering all the lyrics. Needless to say, once my book stops being in flux and I settle on all the songs I need, they will all be committed to be memory.

Both projects would be amazing to book. I just need to book one of them. And stat. I need another big NYC credit. And soon.

Until then, I am writing at the fervid speed of an attacking locust.

What About Today?

2009-03-01T13:10:00.002-05:00

I am back in NYC after a rapid-fire two weeks spent in FL and then L.A., and since I have a few hours to do some catching up, I am updating da blog.

I am now officially into my 3 year of living NYC (Feb 1 marked the official start of Year 3). It's a little hard to fathom that it has only been that long, but that is has been that long. I am hoping this year brings many more new things and exciting opportunities and that I continue to meet these amazing actors/artists/mentors/teachers that I have been so lucky to even be in the same room with.

So...I spent a week in FL - working this time, no vacation trip - and then headed to Los Angeles to do Betrayed at L.A. Theatre Works. Now, I have always had an unfounded aversion to L.A. and notion of ever living there, so I was amazed how much I actually loved it and could see myself living there. The traffic was not as bad as everyone made it out to be, and other than stupider drivers than FL and an odd street layout which makes no sense to me, I could very well be happy living there. It's like Florida...but smoggier. I got to see some good friends and make new ones. The local actors were incredibly nice and amazingly talented, although I did miss many of the original cast. It was also an odd format, the radio play genre, and I suspect this was mostly because I was so used to doing it on a stage "full out" that being limited in movement and volume was an oddity in the beginning. It does shade a performance though and ultimately leads you to consider other possibilities and choices.

I have been on a good roll with auditioning for more TV/Film projects as I ultimately see myself moving in that direction. Not that I don't love theatre, but the avenues are few and the casting blinder than I thought it would be. It is something that has been a rude awakening to me, but who can blame casting solely for an endemic social problem of cultural blindness and ignorance. In my case, not brown enough for the stereotype role and too brown for the "other" roles. But I can only do and be what and who I am and everything else is out of my hands. No big bites yet in TV/Film, but I am just now starting to make the rounds, and have received good reactions and feedback so far. I have an audition for my 5th pilot on Monday...so who knows.

I have a couple of readings/workshops I am very excited about and a big audition in the next few weeks that I hope works out as it would be a great opportunity to be out in L.A. for a few months.

To be honest, I don't know where the beast is dragging me, so for now I am enjoying the ride....until it gets annoying and I have to shoot the snarling thing and put it out of its misery.

The Minute You Walked in the Joint

2009-02-01T12:23:00.002-05:00

So the site design is finished and was not as laborious as I thought it would turn out to be. How long it lasts before I get the bug to do something new again is another thing.

There really is nothing new to report. Today marks the end of my second year in NYC and the beginning of my third, which I am sure is going to bring all kinds of amazing things. I consider myself very lucky and blessed to have arrived 2 years ago and hit the ground running with amazing opportunities I never thought would land in my lap. I have met the most amazing, generous, and interesting people and I can't imagine who and what is around the corner. And while my anal retentive desire for overachieving wrapped in a thin gauze of impatience can get to me sometimes, I am trying to take each day and each chance as they come.

I am now firmly ensconced in an audition cycle of going in for some good roles in great projects. I am still stuck in second-man syndrome, but that is partially because I am not known amongst the CD circles. I need to continue making the rounds and banging on the doors so I can start getting a little more of my foot inside. I may not always agree or like the process, but it is what it is.

I closed out my second year doing something I never thought I would. I went to a piano bar...and sang. Having visited them only twice in my life and not really digging the vibe nor having the backbone to get up and sing (I would much rather do that in a staged setting and not impromptu), I was not sure if I would go through with it. I dragged some friends to The After Party at the Laurie Beechman and I have to say that I had an amazing time and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I did get up and sing, and while I am a little disappointed with the output, I now have mad respect for people who can get up and sing at 1 or 2 in the morning after a few drinks and still be able to wail.

It was a good kick in the ass as I have been having a crisis of faith lately about wanting to continue pursuing musical theatre as a viable career option because of the ethnic barriers and glass ceiling that still exists. But singing is one of those things I enjoy, and not singing everyday like I did in Fl thanks to the privacy of a car, did and does make a difference, much to my surprise. Two months of not singing was a kick in the ass wake-up call and I find I am now all over the place and out of control and confidence....so...for whatever gluttonous reason for punishment lurking in me, I am going to pick up the pieces and keep pushing forth. Who am I to limit myself?

In 2 weeks I head out to LA with some of my fellow actors to do Betrayed at the LA Theatre Works. I am hoping to set up some meetings at the same time and start laying some kind of groundwork out there.

I've Got to Clean out the Closet

2009-01-22T01:14:00.000-05:00

Got a bug the other day and decided to re-design the site to get rid of some generic boxiness.

But that is always a headache since I use a third party program for blogging and have to reverse engineer it to fit into my own design. So while the main parts of the site look fine (for the most part) I need to tinker with the blog a bit. So pardon da dust.

Change Come Fast, and Change Slow, But Change Come

2009-01-19T14:52:00.000-05:00

Ah....one more day and Obama officially takes office. I cannot express how thankful I am to have become a citizen just in time for my first vote in the most important election of my lifetime. Felt and feels good.

The last two months have been hectic, which is good, but I have neglected updating the blog (for the one or two people who keep up).

Right before Christmas I completed a triumvirate of shows. I played one of two leads in Bill Quigley's Now Boarding which ran for two sold-out weeks at the HB Studios. Great writing, great piece.

I was invited to participate in the 52nd Street Project's latest collection of student written works, and I have to say I was really impressed by the whole thing. If anyone ever gets asked to do it, DO IT. It was an amazing experience and I found myself in awe of the company I got to keep. I just looking from side to side thinking: Um, I've see you in movies, you on TV, you on Broadway. The staff was incredibly nice and completely professional. It is something I would definitely do again.

The last thing before I headed home for a week was a private industry reading of a musical called Caravan Man. It's basically Godspell/JCS for Brown folk :) It's about the prophet Mohammed and how he comes to be a prophet and save his people. I played...Mohammed. And while I did have a little bit of trepidation about the subject matter, any concerns I had were completely obliterated thanks to an amazing script and some of the most difficult, but fulfilling, music I have ever had the lucky chance to sing. Though it only lasted for two days, it was completely amazing. The cast were top notch, the director was incredible, the playwright and composer, brilliant. I truly hope the show gets picked up because I think it's time for a piece like this to be done if for no other reason but to remove the stigma and culture of fear about a religion that is no different than any other one. The beauty of the show is that it deals with problems, relationships, and people and does NOT focus on religion and proselytizing. Truly...an amazing moment for me.

I spent a much needed rest at home in Florida for a week and ended up having the time of life reconnecting with friends from my past and being reminded of how many incredible people are in my life and have been in my life only to return years later. The last month has been filled with friends from high school tracking me down and I am thrilled to reconnect with all of the. I loved, and still love, these people for saving my sanity when I was a newcomer to this country. I carry a piece of them with me everyday.

I just recently came back from a sold out performance of Betrayed at the Kennedy Center in D.C., hosted by Sara Jessica Parker (that woman could not look any more gorgeous in real life) and Matt Dillon through Refugees International. It was surreal gathering the original cast back together and rehearsing the show and finding new moments. We had, what I think, was our best show ever and the immediate and rousing applause and standing ovation at the end was a true testament to an amazingly salient play that picks no sides and makes you think.

God forbid a piece of theatre makes an audience think.

I was enthralled by the history and the monuments, walking up and down the mall, and seeing geese for the first time (who knew they pooped so much and in such large sizes). The best part of the three days was meeting with recently arrived Iraqi refugees. They are truly inspirational.

The show is not dead as I head to LA next month with Waleed to do the show with Eric Stoltz. There is talks of a short Middle East tour. We do the show at Williams College in April. Whispers of a movie. And at some point, I hope to god the show gets another mounting on a big stage in the city.

Until then,I am nursing a cold, a sore shoulder from taking a spill on the sidewalk when it was iced over (it was bad), and auditioning like a mad man. Things seem to be going well as I am being called in for big projects and lead roles, but I am suffering from second best syndrome wherein it comes down to me and another actor and I lose out. This has happened so far on three shows and two TV series...I need to figure out what it is I am NOT doing so I can sidle up into the first position and book the job.

And, finally, kudos to my high school friend David Blue who landed one of the roles in the new Stargate Series. From Moonlight to Ugly Betty to this. Now that's a fast rise.

It's Turkey Lurkey Time

2008-11-27T01:23:00.000-05:00

Like you expected something else for this day...

Well, true to form for the universe, the second I start wanting to run from M.T. I get the offer to do the Caravan Man reading.

Sigh...and I sigh because I wish I could slap the crap out of the universe some days. Audition went well today. The creative team, the ones I met, were incredibly nice and seem like the kind of people I would enjoy the hell out of working with. Listened to other portions of the score and LOVE it as I knew I would. So not pastiche-y and stereotypical for a musical of this topic. And the writing from the one scene I had was uber-solid. So to say I am excited, thrilled, and honored to be a part of this is an understatement.

However, true to form again for the universe, I was slammed with the actor's "good-bad problem." This has happened to me REPEATEDLY since I got to the city - where I will be offered multiple projects that coincide with one another, thus forcing me to choose between one great project and another. In this case, the reading of the musical overlaps with one of the performances of Boarding Now. Now, dumbass me should have checked on the dates beforehand and asked what they were in the first place (even I have my moments). So needless to say I was thrown into a tailspin of panic.

HOWEVER, not true to form for the universe, it looks like I can do both with no problem as Boarding Now is the last in an evening of 13 pieces which begin at 8 and the reading starts at 7. Both venues happen to be parallel to each other but across town, which is ok. I just have to run my ass over to the other side of town for the performance.

Mind you, all this in the middle of rehearsing for 52nd St. and doing THOSE shows. It's amazing that I don't drink daily or bake my mind beyond recognition (thank God I don't have either of those vices). BUT, I LOVE these kinds of overworked moments. Having done double duty during Betrayed for a month (while I was sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection) I know I am more than able to handle it. I am a confirmed sucker for new work, creating work, and overworking myself.

I can rest when I die.

So, yeah, I am thankful the universe, despite its torturous moments, decided to me nice to me for a while.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Thank someone in your life today.

Thank You, Thank You, Please Call Again....Thank You

2008-11-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

I have avoided adding an entry for no other reason other than I have been avoiding it.

Things have been a little insane over the past few weeks. After a large block of no work and auditions I got slammed over a 3-day period with about 7 different things including an hour and a half callback, a 3-hour's notice audition, an intensive, and previously booked auditions.

Everything went well. All of them went by with no hitches and I had positive responses from all of them. Did not book two of them, which is OK as I came down to one of two choices and in both cases I was just not old enough to play the roles. I have been booking more and more TV/Film auditions, which is just fine as I try to determine (as if I should be doing such a stupid thing) where I belong and where I will find the clearest (ha ha) path to steady work. There are days when I want to wash my hands of trying to pursue musical theatre, but then an audition or callback comes my way. There are days when I think it is insane to try and do TV or film, but I will get called in and really nail the audition. This, you would think, wouldsnap me into the frame of mind of: STOP TRYING TO CONTROL THINGS!

Right...

So what I thought I knew what I was going to do, I now am unsure. I just refuse to be another minority actor statistic that works to rise above ethnic expectations only to be quashed by the acting glass ceiling. Frankly, if you are going to say "open to all ethnicities" don't let it be lip service. And I know that union regulations call for that statement, but I would so much prefer knowing they really are NOT open to anything else than the norm.

I digress.

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches I want to give general thanks to all the amazing actors and friends I have met in the last year and the opportunities I have been given and tripped and fallen into as a complete neophyte and unknown. Of special significance are three professionals I have recently come in contact with who are immeasurably helpful to my developing actor psyche and ability.

1) Ted Sluberski - should anyone ever need an acting coach (TV/Film/You Name It) then you MUST contact him. Or take his 5-week class which will change how you look at film and TV auditions. The man knows the industry inside and out, knows the people working in it, what people are looking for and how to really bring YOU to the role. He is truly amazing and completely knowledgeable. He can also spot BS a mile away so always be prepared.

2) Marci Phillips - who I have only heard about in passing in the most positive terms but only recently met in an all-day intensive. She is an incredible human being with the most wonderful spirit and outlook on the business and the process of auditioning for TV/Film. Her advice is immeasurably valuable. She has more than earned the respect and admiration of any actor that has crossed her path.

3) Seth Rudestsky - who I have looked up to since I was in FL as this amazing repository of MT knowledge and know-how and who I was recently blessed to be able to coach with. He is genuine, hilarious, concerned, and completely on the ball about acting and singing a song by removing all the fluff and crap and bringing out the best. I feel honored in light of his craaaaazy schedule to be able to coach with him when the occasion allows.

And most of all, I am thankful to still be breathing despite the daily aggravations that come along with trying to work as an actor. I keep reminding myself of what I have accomplished in less than 2 years and of the many moments still to come. It may be a slow and often painful process, but I am willing to ride it out as long as my sanity and ego allow for the blows (such as the complete confirmation that one of the biggest casting agencies definitely does not like me for some reason because every time I go in for them I get the COLDEST welcome and most lackluster response - cemented by an experience today - which I would normally let roll off but because of the breadth of projects and the people involved, who I genuinely do like despite the reactions, are more than important in the biz. I feel like it started with one person and now I am the guy that everyone has heard about because I get this look whenever I am in there. Paranoia? Maybe.)

So I will hunker down for warmth and wait for the new year to bring about greater things. I have some projects on the burner that I am hoping will pan out to something great.

I am currently rehearsing a playlet for the 52nd Street Project and feel honored to be a part of it.

I also did a reading of Stuart Gerber's play 20 Liquid, directed by Dev Janki (who is a genius and a gentleman all in one). The play really is quite amazing and the cast of the 4 of us just clicked like magic. I REALLY hope I am able to continue with it despite being completely against the character type.

Was recently cast in a showcase of Now Boarding by Bill Quigley. A 2-man show and the other actor, Yuval Boim, happens to be another client my manager represents. Not sure who is playing what role, but we may pull a Hoffman-Reilly True West deal. Who knows.

Going for a reading of a musical based on the prophet Mohammed (oh yes) tomorrow. Music is very indie folk rock which I LOVE. Cross 'em.

And until then...I bid myself and whoever reads this a fond farewell.

So What Happens Nows?

2008-11-04T21:58:00.000-05:00

I should probably be beaten for not updating regularly, and I wish I could say that I was SO busy rehearsing and performing that I have had no time...but...yeah...not the case.

As I near my two-year anniversary in NYC, I am experiencing the "dead" season for the first time. Last year, I was out of town on tour, so I didn't get to enjoy the joys of the "dead" season. The season when auditions are low to non-existent. I mean, it's bad. Not so bad that other people I know aren't booking shows and TV/movie gigs...but not so for lil' ol' me. I am still climbing the ladder of immediate CD recognition to allow for the calling in on projects sans screenings and generals and what not. It is the endless process.

BUT I have been keeping busy writing (which is another reason I moved to NYC). I started working on my second novel (the first, a roman a clef damning the post-secondary education system via my own experiences as a college prof will NEVER see the light of day). It has been going well if not sporadic. I also started outlining a one-man show that started out as a joke and has now become a real project that I am going to write. When the opportunities don't come...you make em. The plot is going to revolve around my journey to becoming an American (and my journey through the world of musical theatre as a brownie), and while that may seem initially boring, it isn't if you consider my story starts out as a newbie being socially raised by six black women. Oh yes...

I am also changing gears more and more daily to focusing on TV/Film projects and not so much on theatre as I try to find my place, make my niche, and realize where there still exists tremendous prejudices and ignorance not borne out of bigotry but out of the inability to truly understand color blind casting. And this is not sour grapes; this is my own opinion based on the experiences of others and myself. You just can't say "Open to all ethnicities" if it is just lip service. And I'm no fool, I get the preservation of plots and characters that ARE race-based and dependent. I refer to the rest. And, really, this shouldn't be socio-political machine to dissect...it's just acting...I get it, really. But it doesn't mean I have to like or agree with it.

But that is neither here nor there as all I am interested in doing is working and working and working.

How Did I End Up Here?

2008-09-25T16:18:00.000-04:00

Like most actors, I hate the in-between times from one project to another. I will say, in spite of my histrionic retorts of "I'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN!", I have been very blessed and lucky to hit the ground running and working since I moved her a year and a half ago with an average of 3 weeks between projects. But I am a habitual workaholic and am almost looking for more work. Plus, I am not some early twenty-something, so I have this self-created doomsday-ish clock.

BUT, the nice thing about down times is that it gives me a chance to check in on my focus and my pavement-pounding and to catch up on training. I started a class last night with TV/Film guru Ted Sluberski...I can honestly say that after one class I would rate it right next to my Esper training. He is incredible from the breadth of knowledge to his pin-point accurate critiques and generosity. I wish the class went on longer for 5 weeks but plan on making the most of every session.

I am trying to enjoy the quiet time before the insanity of the audition season kicks in. Have been steadily auditioning, with no bites...yet...but have a greedy eye focused on some projects coming up (especially Urban Stages' production of Edges...I MUST try to get seen for this...MUST I SAY).

Looking in the future are performances of Betrayed at the Kennedy Center in Janurary, for LA Theatre Works with Eric Stoltz in February, and a tentatively schedule run in the UK in April/May. I love this show, so any chance to do it makes me a happy brownie. I am both excited and scared about the PBS broadcast on Oct 23...I am not sure if I can watch myself. This could be a really good thing for me unless I completely look like some plebe with mush mouth and zero reality on the small screen. Actor's paranoia and self-aggrandizing...the bread and butter of many a therapist.

Have enjoyed the change in weather coupled with reconnecting with faces and voices from my past who have landed in the city or have been uncovered. You never know who will pop up and what paths they can open for you.

In the meantime, I am crossing my fingers to hear back from a coach I would sell the other half of my soul to study with.

Just One Step

2008-08-25T14:33:00.000-04:00

The FringeNYC Run of Perez Hilton Saves the Universe... has ended, but the show is not dead as we have been invited to participate in the Fringe-Encore Series...and who knows what could happen after that.

I have been working up ideas on a couple of other projects from the other side of the equation (if the shows don't come to you, you create the opportunities), but am not sure how that will go just yet. Still in the "talking" to the pros phase.

I am officially SAG eligible from a recent shoot I had. I decided not to join the union just yet, mostly because I don't have the $2300 to plop down on the membership fee. I am also AFTRA eligible too thanks to the PBS shoot of Betrayed...so if I work another job under either of those contracts I will be forced to join and go broke.

YAY!!!!

Extra! Extra! Hey Look at the Headlines...

2008-08-16T00:39:00.000-04:00

The reviews are in and the show is a hit. People recognize it for what it is and are not taking it seriously by trying to put it on some comparative level to a serious musical theatre book show. It's a fun silly show that pokes fun and is pure satire which is something missing from the stage.

We have packed three performances, with two more to go (and possibly more, but can't say much about that now). The audiences have loved it and I look forward to doing the show whenever I can.

New York Post

Time Out

Theatremania

Backstage

The Advocate

Another Openin', Another Show

2008-08-03T12:21:00.000-04:00

Well, before I knew it, another show I was cast in is nearing the end of it's rehearsal process and we open on Saturday.

Rehearsals are going well, the cast is hilarious, the material, is hilarious, and the show promises to be, well, hilarious.

Esper classes ended last week, and I was asked to continue on into the 2-year program, so now I have a somewhat major decision to make as I need to figure out if I can financially afford the program and if it is going to interfere with other shows and Betrayed (which is still breathing and seeking new life in different venues which all promise to be amazing but none of which I can talk about as nothing is really that set).

It's hard to justify spending the money on the classes for only one reason - my booking a job is not going to be dependent on those classes. Yes, the training helps and will make me an even better actor, but the truth is that I am going to get cast based first on what I look like and if that fits the character and second if I can act the part. That probably does not make any sense outside of my own head.

Well then....

2008-07-18T22:08:00.000-04:00

I sheepishly return to a new post, after the previous emotional rant, having been called a couple of days ago with the offer to do the show I had though I bombed the audition for.

For the second year in a row I will be performing in the NYC Fringe Festival, which I am quite happy about. I am even more please because of the show. Brace yourselves...

Perez Hilton Saves the Universe! (or at Least the Greater Los Angeles Area) The Musical

Oh, I jest not. Now, on first glance you might think this wildly ridiculous and out of left field. And it kind of is. But the script is funny and it's a total satire. I think it has the makings of a really good show. And, come on, it's Perez Hilton. I admit it. I read his blog. It's fun. It doesn't take itself seriously, and neither does he. It totally feeds into the gossip mongering everyone loves. We could get on a soapbox about it or laugh our asses off silly.

Besides, it's a different direction and change of temperature from Betrayed, so it will be fun to do something that is a complete 180 from my role in that show. And the role is a first for me. And that is all I will say so as to surprise those of you who come to see the show.

I am even more excited because of people attached to the cast which I can't really list as I don't think it is official. But there is a partial cast list on the site.

Classes at Esper are winding down, just as I am getting into the groove of things. It's been informative, educational and eye-opening and I am now wrestling with the decision of going into the 2-year program. The only cons are time commitment and money. Moreso the latter. I love being poked and prodded and forced to do things I only relegate to letting loose with onstage, but I am finding that the work I am doing in the classroom is a slap on the wrist for all the stupid things I do (or don't) in rehearsals. Mainly, holding back out of some inane fear (and really, aren't most actors' fears - outside of finances - inane?).

So if nothing else, it has given me a healthier approach to entering a rehearsal room and playing more and having fun and forgetting about my comfort zone.

Either that will happen or I'll end up curled into the fetal position in a corner singing "Nothing's Gonna Harm Me" [sic].

What a Feeling....

2008-07-12T14:03:00.000-04:00

There are days when the emotional stress/turmoil of being an actor can way too heavily, especially when it comes off of something so seemingly simple.

There are very few times when I get so excited about an audition for a show that I get the sweats and the twitters. I usually go in with an open mind to have fun and do my best and not worry about having to get the job or lose out on it. I just want to be in the room and have a moment and hope that my work and presence are what the casting and creative team are looking for. To get crazy and worked up as if my life depended on it is moot for me only insomuch as it is not something I can really control. This is not to say that I don't want to book the jobs I go in for because I do. I don't go to auditions JUST to have fun. The ultimate goal is to get the role. But since I don't control decisions I can only influence them with the work I present.

BUT once in a while I do get rabid about wanting to do a project I feel very strongly about. Betrayed was one of them and even though I felt I had bombed the callback, I was fortunate enough to be cast.

Yesterday was another of those moments, but one I do not think is going to end in my being cast because I felt like a complete and utter dweeby neophyte in the room. I wasn't really nervous and I wasn't really calm, and I could blame my uneasiness on 3 hours of a Meisner class wherein I lost my shit and was rattled, but that would be making excuses.

This show...I REALLY want. And some people think I am stupid for that because they see the show as fluffy and too screwball-y, and at first glance, sure, I can understand that. But the show is witty, smart, hilarious and totally pokes fun at people, celebrities and media-obsessed people. And because I am such a pop-culture enthusiast and am always amazed by the inane things people get obsessed with, I want to do the show. The part is silly and fun (and a musical one to boot) and one I know I could do in my sleep.

But I somehow managed to screw up one note in my song (an easy one that I could also do in my sleep with strep throat) and that was the death knell. I didn't think the scene I read went all that bad, but I didn't think it landed as hard as I wanted it to.

After it was done, I went out to sit in the hallway and just stayed there for a bit because I wanted to kick myself in the head.

Now, I could be beating myself up over nothing, but this one, I want. Badly. Not only because of the people involved (from cast to creative), but also because of the opportunity to do something so wildly different and fun. I have been in a daze for the last 48 hours doing what no actor should ever do: replaying the audition in my head and analyzing what went wrong and why. This, my friends, is no good for the actor's psyche.

It is also one of those moments where my mantra of "Whatever is meant to be will be," is taking a huge backseat to my "You are such a moron. How could you screw that up?" mantra.

It's depressing. I can only hope that somehow, I managed to do something that caught their eye (positively) and that I am just beating myself up for no reason. The universal actor's trail is lined with stories by celebrities and those in the upper echelons who have lost out on amazing roles in great shows, and something always comes along to soothe that. But right now, that is providing zero comfort for me.

I need to be slapped.

Climbing Uphill

2008-06-26T23:08:00.001-04:00

Today....sucked.

Thank you.

Today was a red letter day for sucking at auditions. I bombed three of them. I was so out of it.

However, today did teach me that I am no longer going to schedule auditions back to back with less than one hour in between each one because it does not help me. Especially when I am dressed up, but am running up and down streets and across avenues in the summer heat/humidity with random showers popping up here and there.

Had an audition at 10:10. Got there at 9:50. No one was there. Odd.
10:19 rolled around. My next audition was at 10:55 9 blocks down and two avenues east. Thankfully, the monitor showed up, and I asked to come back later.

No problem. Right?

I get to the second audition, which lasted all of 10 seconds and think that I royally screwed myself. I must have some mental block with TV/Film auditions. I either don't get it or am just confused as to what to do. I am never in a room long enough to figure it out because those auditions just ZIP by.

I get back to the first audition. The accompanist is not there yet. I have another audition at 12:35 18 blocks uptown and one avenue west. I ask to come back later.

I get to the third audition with plenty of time. I think I nail it but I have no idea because I think my face started twitching. So for all I know, I came across like a stroke victim.

I rush back to the first audition and get seen. I think, but am not sure, that I sang the first half of my song in a completely different key. I know the second half was spot on. But somehow, the first part felt completely wrong. Now for someone who has relative pitch, it is somewhat difficult to catch me off key or off note. But somehow my brain left me.

Then, and a lesson for all those who might read this, I get asked for a monologue on the spot. Thank GOD I have three that I have memorized and keep in my back pocket at all times. I start the monologue and realize four words into it that I may very well not even remember it since the last time I did it was about 10 months ago. I start panicking internally and manage to pull out all the words. However, I think I came across like a nutjob.

You know that is your song and monologue are funny and no one in the room laughs that you are doing something VERY wrong.

And so I came home, wallowed for a little bit, and just moved on...as best as I could. Of all the auditions I have had in the last year and four months, this is probably the third time I have felt like I bombed an audition. Of course, being an anal perfectionist, this does not sit well with me, but I gotta learn somehow.

A Weekend in the Country

2008-06-21T19:44:00.000-04:00

I am back from workshopping Food for Fadwa with the NYTW at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie this week.

It was a long week as I had to travel back for a callback and class, having left the morning after Betrayed closed, and then keep my wits about me. Good thing I was out in the country with nature all around me. Felt good to be cut off from my computer to just do nothing by work on a play.

I am however firmly glad I never stayed in a dorm in college. I don't see how collegiates can eat the food day in and day out for four years. By the second day I was ready to lose my mind.

The show went really well and was received with glowing, positive remarks. I got to work with an amazing cast and with and for an amazing actress/writer who I have come to admirer rather quickly and very fondly.

And now....I am back to focusing on class, auditions, and trying for the next job. I should treat myself to a break, but the fear of stopping and then never starting back up again is too strong. Gotta keep the train moving.

When You're Racing with the Clock

2008-06-18T00:24:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update as I am on a tight schedule this week.

Betrayed closed this past Sunday and while I feel this abysmal emptiness, I don't really have time to feed it because I left the following morning to work on Lameece Issaq's play Food for Fadwa for The New York Theatre Workshop.

No rest for the weary.

The play is amazing. The cast is amazing. I am exhausted and don't care.

More by the end of the week when I get done and get some time to breathe.

Until then...go go go!

Invocation to a Noisy Audience

2008-05-31T23:18:00.000-04:00

In the last two days I experienced what I believe are the rudest sets of audience members I have ever performed for in 18 years of doing shows.

This is not to say that every single audience member was rude, and I don't know if there was a full moon out that night or some planets were oddly aligned, but I was flabbergasted.

Last night, we had to graciously deal with a talkative audience. As actors you get used to the normal noises of causes, seat-shuffling, and sniffs (although, the smaller the house, the more aggravating it can be). But some member's last night thought it was ok to have full-on conversations to the point where other audience members were shushing them. To add insult to injury, a cell phone goes off (this has happened before but the offender has silenced the errant cellie immediately). And the audience member answers her phone and proceeds to have a conversation to the horror of three actors onstage and other audience members who are up in arms and tell her to shut up and get out.

This continued through the end of the show.

Today, another cell phone went off and it kept ringing. Although it was not answered, the offender just let it keep ringing and ringing.

What is unfortunate is that we can't stop the action onstage and both times the audience missed vital bits of information.

I imagine in larger Broadway houses that actors onstage don't often hear much (especially in musicals). I know I have been thoroughly annoyed by other audience members who talk and noisily open their candy when I just want to enjoy the show.

And really...who actually thinks opening cellophane slowly makes less noise??? Bring along a ziplock back with unwrapped candies and have at it.

One night, two guests in the front row actually opened a bag of potato chips and began sharing it. And the stage is aboutt two feet from the front row. Another night, a young teen starting eating gummi bears.

We are not celluloid. We CAN hear and see you.

It angers me that we respect audiences enough to show up and put our heart out there to entertain them for two hours and some people lack the basic common sense of turning off phones, not talking, and not being a distraction when you are directly in the front row. Some actually DO believe we are a movie theatre. I do not get it.

On a more positive note, we are being taped by PBS on Monday for a September broadcast. I am not nervous...yet...have not even thought about it. I AM looking forward to reuniting with two original cast members for the taping and wonder if the old rhythms and motions will come back.

As for what's next...I dunno.

My big audition this past week went REALLY well. But, as usual, I doubt anything will come of it.

We're Opening Doors...

2008-05-24T12:08:00.000-04:00

Well, some of life's insanity has taken a vacation and after being sidelined for three weeks with a horrible cold/virus/plague, I am finally feeling better and thus ready to tackle some small projects left undone.

Fixed the wonky problems with the site and am almost done fixing this blog so it looks like the rest of the site.

We got out closing notice at Betrayed and our now closing June 16. Not for any financial or audience size reason. We have extended, thankfully, beyond any date that anyone foresaw, but actors' previous projects are now creeping up and the logistics of trying to find and rehearse replacements was going to be a nightmare, so we are shutting the doors...for now. Who knows what will happen with the show as the response is still positive and fresh. PBS is taping the show on June 2 for broadcast (not sure when it will appear on TV). And there are other plans in the works that will hopefully come to fruition.

I am proud of myself for making every single show even when I thought I was going to die from exhaustion or illness. This is by far the longest run I have ever sustained or had the opportunity to sustain so I feel like after the last 3 weeks of double duty and sick (with bronchial pneumonia first and then a sinus infection married to pharyngitis....nice) I can handle anything. It's been rough some night, but I have found that I don't get bored (impatient, sometimes, yes) and am driven by professional obligation and passion. And a paycheck....yes...a paycheck, musn't forget that.

And thank god for Equity League health insurance to get me through the last couple of weeks.

After the show closes, who knows? I am starting classes with William Esper (the man himself) and am looking forward to tweaking and sharpening the tools in the drawer.

I have an amazing audition set for this coming week that could mean something huge if the cards fall right, but I am trying not to think about the situation in either the positive or the negative. Just want to go in, not fall on my face, do my job, and, hopefully, land the job. To say I am excited and nervous would be a massive understatement. This is probably the most rattled I have been since I got to New York (almost one year and 6 months ago).

Keep fingers crosses, candles lit, and prayers uttered.

Well, it's been a long day

2008-05-05T23:05:00.000-04:00

Doing two shows at once...a recipe for disaster. Although, not really, just a snack for exhaustion. But I still think it is a great learning experience. Rehearsing one show during the morning/afternoon, performing another at night. And then performing two shows at once.

Is it a wonder I don't drink.

But I am loving the creative staff of the second show and am enjoying the change of pace.

If only, I could stop getting sick, I would be fine.

Am called in to for a 29-hour AEA reading for an Armenian-focused play tomorrow. I am REALLY looking forward to this. Not only because I AM Armenian, but also because there are not that many works with Armenian themes and this one is right up my alley. It focuses on issues I am wrestling with at the moment in terms of cultural identity and finding answers to historical pasts and links.

And we were pleasantly surprised to learn at the end of the evening at the show that Betrayed won the Lortel Award for Outstanding Play. As if I was not proud enough of the show, now there is extra little feather in the cap. The show got its last extension to June 28 at which point I will feel a little lost at sea. Something is always just around the bend though. I have been so lucky and blessed to not stop working since I landed my first gig last March, so I am hoping the streak continues.

But...I need to get to bed for a 6:45 call...A.M. people.....A.M.

And, yes, I know the site is not fixed yet. Need a moment to breathe and I WILL finish it.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye, Part 2

2008-04-13T18:13:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know...site is still a dusty mess. It's getting there.

Some updates since I have been a little headless-farm-avian as of late.

The missed projects ended up coming back onto my plate. In the case of one, the CD contacted the director who was MORE than generous is shifting things around in the schedule to allow me to do the show. This, is very exciting and cool.

In the other case, the CD called back and told me that the director et al would be willing to wait until I found out what was going on with Betrayed's future. This, is very exciting and cool. BUT, we got another, and a final, extnesion to the end of June, so I have a feeling this project will have to fall which will be disappointing for me as it is with a director I REALLY want to work with.

One door and another and all.

Today's show was the last for Jeremy Beck who plays the Soldier/RSO (or Jason/Randall as he was dubbed).

It does not get any easier.

I can't begin to express how thankful I am to have met and worked with this amazing actor who to this very performance managed to scare the crap out of me every time we had our interrogation scene. Truly one of the most congenial, giving, and hilarious actors I have met. Eric T. Miller (no link, no site.....get on that Eric) takes over for him tomorrow.

For now, I am off to unwind and get some work done. Which will entail my watching TV until all hours of the morning.

We've got to clean out the freezer...

2008-04-07T02:53:00.000-04:00

So the proverbial bee landed in bonnet and I decided to redo the site around the new headshots. This is never a good thing for me as I become highly anal about the coding and end up wanting to set fired to my hard drive because the coding goes wonky on me.

So forgive the site looking a little weird and the blog looking a little out of place until I work out all the kinks.

Bit by Bit...Part by Part....

2008-04-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

So the day has been fraught with good and bad news.

Betrayed has been extended to May 4 (somewhat old news) with another possible extension in the pipes. We also received a Lucille Lortel nomination for Best Play. And audiences are enjoying the show immensely and being moved while learning something new without being preached to.

Who could ask for anything more?

I still feel so lucky, honored, and blessed to get to do this show every night and bring these true stories to audiences who might be inspired to stand up and say or do something.

Now, for the icky stuff...

There is a lot about the biz I need to get used to, and one of them is the "bad problem, but a good one to have" mantra.

The show extension happened to conflict with two other projects I had been fortunate enough to book. And thus began the difficulty of trying to make everything work, and make everyone happy, and not annoy or piss anyone off. This....is not so easy when you have a conscience and set of ethics that kicks into a guilty overdrive when you can't make everything fall into place.

Hence, the good problem-bad problem thing. I wish I could do all three projects and make them work out, but the timing and scheduling don't seem to fall in line. I am thrilled with Betrayed doing so well and would never dump the show and run. And, yeah, I could stand behind the legalities of contracts and use that as a shield, but at the end of the day, as a person, I feel guilty for letting people down. Sure, I know everyone understands this is the nature of the business and people float in and out of jobs all the time. That does not necessarily make it any easier on me.

There is, of course, that latent fear of thinking no one will call you in again or cast you because you turned down a previous project. Maybe that is silly and maybe there is some merit to the fear. Thus the tricks and hurdles of show business that I need to just get over and deal with, I guess.

It still sucks...

I Keep Rollin' Along

2008-03-14T01:29:00.000-04:00

Last night we celebrated (as odd a choice of word as that is for the occasion) the final performance of Mike Doyle in the show. And tonight we officially ushered in Christopher Kromer.

And thus I got to experience something completely new (which this show seems to be heaping onto me in copious amounts). I have done enough shows to get used to the notion of a show ending and a cast departing. And while actors can sometimes be notorious for not keeping in touch, when we do another show together we just pick up where we left off.

However, continuing on in a show with castmates leaving hither and thither (yes, I went there) to put it plainly, SUCKS. Understand this has nothing to do with talent, but basic human relations. I imagine coming in as a replacement or taking over as an understudy must be the oddest feeling because you not only feel like you are crashing a party really late, but also that you don't know a damn person at the party and you decide to stick around anyway. There is aweird sense of loss that I have not felt before. I truly will miss his presence in the dressing room and on the stage, but am ravenously curious about the experience of working with someone new.

So here's to you Doyle - the only person to beat me at Scrabble (he emphasizes twice - I don't count the second time) and an incredible actor and human being who has helped me more than he will probably ever know. I miss you, man.

Shlooooooooooooooooooooooooonak!

That Not-So-Marvelous Face

2008-03-12T16:55:00.000-04:00

The joys of headshots.

I am sure I am not the only actor who finds it tremendously difficult and uncomfortable to sit in front of a camera for three hours to get "the" headshot to use across a myriad of genres and projects.

I particularly hate the process because I often feel like I should be in a bell tower hanging out with pigeons and gargoyles. I took my first "big boy" headshots last year and the experience was relatively painless. I felt like I looked like a tool in many of them.

I spent three hours outdoors this morning/afternoon fressing my hands and nose off (no doubt I will look like Rudolph in many of them). However, the photog was amazingly congenial and patient and definitley interested in getting the best shot for me. He showed me some of them every once in a while. I cringed every time I saw myself. Loved the composition, but thought I looked a fool. I wish I could just relax and let go and just DO IT. I started out like gangbusters but deflated as we went on. I could tell I was not giving him what he needed which just made me second guess everything.

I would rather sing for a panel of 6 Broadway cognescenti than take photos. But I need them. I need a set to help me transition into the next phase of wherever it is this crazy career is leading me.

I am trepidatiously looking forward to seeing what the photog weeds out as passable and hoping I can find at least two different shots I can use.

Show is still going well. Wished there was more marketing behind it and that all the intentions were fully realized, but such is the beast.

All I'm Askin' for....is Change

2008-03-03T23:28:00.001-05:00

Betrayed has been going really well as we continue to feel our legs and explore all the nitty gritty corners of the show. Audience reactions have been overwhelming and I have to say that I am not bored at all. I was worried about long runs and trying to keep it fresh, but the show speaks for itself in that it keeps me on my toes. It's not really a show you can be on autopilot for.

We have been officially extended to April 13 (tell your friends) with another extension possible after that. I am having so much fun that I will stick with the show for as long as it is open and for as long as I will be had.

This is possibly the most socially fulfilling show I have ever done. I have done shows that have given me personal satisfaction from a wanting-to-play-that-part angle, but this shows feeds that rhetorical part of my self. People love the show and are so incredibly moved by it. An Iraqi woman, whose father went through similar situations, stopped me in the lobby on the verge of tears and thanked for telling this story. She gave me a rose obviously given to her by her play date and was compelled to hug me. Two night ago I walked into the theatre after the show to talk to the SM and two women were sitting in the seats glossy-eyed unable to move. We spoke briefly and they could not believe how moved and angry they were. Some people can't believe that the play is completely truthful and accurate. Hell, we don't need the lens of fiction with some of the shit we have been charged with portraying every night.

I feel so lucky, and honored, and responsible to make sure the story is told every night and that every audience member DOES get angry or teary-eyed so someone does something. As a refugee myself who has fought for many years to get my citizenship (18 years later and it is finally happening in the next few months) I can understand the frustrations. I truly hope as many people come see the show if for nothing else but to be educated without being preached at and taught. At the heart of it, this is a play about people and relationships that happen to get entangled in politics.

On another note, I continue to pound the pavement with auditions, agent hunting, and CD inviting. I have gotten several bites and interested people (including an AMAZING meeting with a major film CD who could not have been more honest, generous and cordial). I am starting to slowly but surely get over the sting of the reality that I may very well not have a real place in musical theatre in NY. And even though that is what I came to NY to do, I am finding that I am falling in love all over again with plays (last one I did was Noises Off...8 years ago). I am also finding the spark I once had for TV and film stuff. To be honest....work is work and work begets work and I am not turning anything down. And if I have to achieve my goals by backdoors or through other avenues, then so be it. The only thing I fear is being lost in the brown actor shuffle. But I love that I am ethnically ambiguous enough that not many (if any) can peg where I come from. Of course....that can be to my detriment. But...meh...I just wanna work and meet people and grow and all that other fun stuff.

I say this now...knowing full well that after I go to my next EPA I will be fatalistic and kicking myself.

Life upon the wicked stage indeed...

Typing

2008-02-12T18:24:00.001-05:00

There is something about typing at an audition that I find both logically obvious and humanly evil.

Today was my third experience with typing. The first two times, I was typed in.

Not so much this time around.

Now the one part of me thinks typing makes sense. Why waste anyone's time and spend endless hours in a room listening to song after song if you go after the looks you need and pick from that pile. I get it. I agree with it.

The Rousseaian part of me finds it heinous. I am standing in a line - being looked over like a vintage lamp at a swap meet - thinking: This must be what it is like at a bunny ranch. And it feels worse when they look at you twice, whisper something, and then put you in the "no" pile. This, of course, sends an actor's mind reeling to all corners in translating what that must mean. What our imaginations conjure up as that whispered 3-second conversation is probably nowhere near the reality of what is being said.

But, I would rather be rejected on my looks than on my talent. I can't control the former, and can the latter - albeit to a degree.

But you don't feel too chipper when you ride down an elevator with the other no's and someone chimes in with: Well, this is an elevator full of fail.

And I am back to feeling like a non-eq, trying to keep my sense of humor and keeping in mind that this is just one of many and that the recent good stuff far outweighs today.

And then I return to the paranoia of needing to make sure the CDs, especially at this agency, like me and remember me positively (I get an inkling that they are not fans of me at all - could be self-layered paranoia, but could also be reality).

My second audition was cancelled two hours before my time and under ominous tones. An inquiry I made went unanswered, which of course made me go right to the most negatuve imagined reason instead of what could simply have been a lack of time and not some pre-conceived judgement about me (especially when I have never met this group of people ever).

And people wonder why actors are in therapy and medicated.

Once I mentally slap myself and kick my psychological super ego into drive, I'll get over it and be back in the same place of just pushing forward and only being able to do what I can and be who I am.

Putting it Together

2008-02-07T17:29:00.000-05:00

Last night will forever be one that I neither forget in its magnitude nor its surreality.

Opening night went well, give or take two moments when my tongue became unhitched from my mouth, forming some Seussian sentences. The excitement and energy in the air was completley palpable and thick.

The opening night party was nothing less than incredible. Being ushered in and having photographers ocularlly blugeoning me as I stood there like a doofus was anxiety inducing - as is evidenced in some of the pictures where I am on my own looking like I either won the lottery or won a free deportation to Gitmo. Note to self: learn to stand composed, focus, and smile warmly.

I had an amazing time talking to friends, audience members, castmates, and celebrities who I never thought in a million years I would ever have the chance to say "hello" to let alone have a protracted conversation with. I found myself thinking over and over again: What is going on?? Things like this do not happen to people like me.

I feel so completley honored, blessed, challenged, and terrified by the whole thing and can't wait to see what each new day brings. My only hope is that it continues pushing forward.

Thankfully, all the reviews have been positive or glowing with only one or two criticisms (non-venomous). If you have the time and care, I will post a set of links below.

I am also going to update some pages with all new pictures and whatnot.

Until them, I am just going to continue slapping myself.

Reviews and such:

* Opening Night Pics -Note the missing "e" from my last name and the completely dazed look.
* Playbill: Opening Night Announcement
* New York Times - Charles Isherwood // "Seduced and Abandoned by Promises of Freedom"
* New York Post - Frank Scheck // "Iraqis Believed but we 'Betrayed'"
* Variety - Sam Thielman // "Betrayed"
* Daily News - Joe Dziemianowicz // "'Betrayed' Features 3 Casualties of Hope in Iraq
* Herald Tribune - The Associated Press // "'Betrayed' looks at Iraqis who work for the Americans in Baghdad"
* Newsday - Linda Winer // "'Betrayed' at Culture Project"
* Theatermania - Dan Bacalzo // "Betrayed"
* Backstage - David A. Rosenberg // "Betrayed"
* Bloomberg.com - John Simon // "Packer's Splendid First Play Honors Abandoned Iraqis"
* NYTheatre.com - Loren Noveck // "Betrayed"
* New York Public Radio - Amy Eddings // "'Betrayed' a New Play at the Culture * * Project Looks at the U.S. in Iraq"
* The New York Observer - Doree Shafrir // "Green Zone in SoHo? New Yorker’s Mr. Packer Brings Baghdad to Mercer Street"

One of these days I'll be one of those people...

2008-02-03T18:25:00.000-05:00

Previews for Betrayed are going amazingly well. I have never worked so hard and reaped so many personal rewards in the guise of doing something good socially and culturally.

I celebrated my one year move-to-NY anniversary yesterday quietly. And what better way to start a new year than to be completely honored by being in the NY Times for the show:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/03/theater/03filk.html?ref=theater

I hope everyone I know sees the show because it is an important one. Aside from supporting the actors and theatre, I really do think it is important that people become aware of the problem presented in the show and do something to help make a change.

And now I step off the soap box and shift my focus to the Superbowl.

Losing Track of Time

2008-01-25T01:39:00.000-05:00

Things have been going quite well despite my ominous silence. Although, I would not really call it ominous.

Rehearsals for Betrayed have been going well. Gruleing, exhausting, frustrating. A lot of self-reflective self-deprecating and beating of my actor self. A lot of learning and growing and finding my play feet again.

The show is amazing, I feel, despite my obvious bias. I think the piece is timely, political without being preachy, and is an amazing human story. I encourage everyone to please come see the show. I would appreciate the support, of course, but this is a story that people need to hear.

I was surprised by two different friends who stumbled across info about the show. One was on Broadwayworld.com with our first set of cast pictures. Notice the stern looks that bespeak much violence should the price be right.

This was followed by an excited phone call from a friend in Panama City who happened to be listening to Talk of the Nation and heard George Packer, our playwright, discussing the piece and the social themes.

This is all very surreal. I feel extremely lucky and blessed to be working with ridiculously talented actors and an amazing director and playwright. I could not ask for a better Off-Broadway debut experience - blood, sweat, tears and all.

Just One Step

2007-12-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

I know...I should be severely beaten for letting the blog go to sleep, but life on the TheatreWorks road has been long, exhausting, time consuming, and rewarding.

I can see the end of the road with the last show approaching this Wednesday. I will wait until then to post my after thoughts on the whole experience (and that sounds ominous but reads exactly as written with no entendre).

However, I do have a spot of good news to announce. This week has been the craziest week I have had in NY so far (including the week I went on three auditions a day like a mad man).

So late last week I got an e-mail from a composer I worked with in A New Brain (Tim Rosser). He played in the pit for the show and I later saw and loved his material at the end-of-year BMI performance about 6 months ago. So I was thrilled when he asked me to come in sing a song for the project he is working for this year.

The trick was finding a way to get from York, PA (the then show location) to New York for the performance and then back again for the next day's show. Easy. Done. Rent a car.

Thank god for the last two weeks being local because I was around to meet him for a rehearsal. Loved the song and just love his music in general.

I got a bonus when a fellow actress with whom I shot The Stoop, and who works as a casting director part-time, called me about a great opportunity for The Culture Project. Serendipitously, the audition was on the same day as the BMI bit. Thank you, oh gods of the stage...

So the week went as follows:

1) Woke up early Tuesday morning to pick up the rental car at which point I was told I could not rent the car because I did not have a credit card not attached to a bank account. Who the hell does that? They would not even let me pay with cash. Huh??? Some clever planning netted me a back up plan which worked well.

2) Got to NY at 1:54. Got home at 2:02. Got situated, dressed and ready to go by 2:32. Hit my audition at 3:15 with 15 minutes to spare. Met the director, did my sides, got some direction, did em' again, and off I went.

3) Headed uptown to rehearse at 4:30. Learned a new section. Lost an old section. Went over the lines before the song. Went to the BMI space by 5:30. Did it. Left to head back home to then head back to York.

4) Checked a missed call message and the CD wanted me to come in and meet with the writer because the director loved me (props to ye stage deities again). But...too much time had passed. After some calling backs and some schedule finagling, I got something set for the following day when I would be back in the city.

5) Went home, re-packed and headed back to York.

The callback got rescheduled the followin day to the day after, which gave me a day to breathe and look over the sides a little more. Thursday, I went to the callback, met with the writer George Packer, whose work I love. Audition felt odd and off and I could not find myself. I do much better at cold auditions than when I have time to mull over the sides and overthink them (a product of my over-education). Found out about a rehearsal for a demo song for a composer friend of mine, Jeffrey Campos, whose music I also love. So headed over there after the callback and sang through the material.

Missed another call...but this time...it was fan-friggin-tastic news. I booked the show!!!

The show is called Betrayed and will run after the first of the year. It is the first full-length play I am doing since arriving in NY in February (hard to believe it has still been less than a year) and the first play in a long time. I love the piece it is based on, I love the issues, I love the voice, the non-preachy message. I am just looking forward to kicking the shit out of the material and working with the amazing directing staff.

There is some other great stuff attached with the project but nothing I can definitively talk about. Sufficed to say that if the fates are kind, the project could explode into something bigger.

So, I am thankful, to say the least, for this next job (God, I hate calling them that) and looking forward to the next step I will take on this path.

Sidenote: How proud am I of a high school friend, David Blue, for finally being recognized and landing a recurring role on Ugly Betty as Cliff? Nearly fell off my chair when I saw him on TV, but just beamed afterwards.

And now to catch up on some reality TV and sleep.

Home

2007-11-17T23:34:00.001-05:00

My attempts at trying to maintain the blog on the road was a laughable plan. I was either unmotivated due to exhaustion or performing/travelling/eating. Leg #1 is done and we have a week off (which I will enjoy immensely) followed by leg #2 which is mostly local shows leaving plenty of time to go on auditions (plans of mice and men being what they are).

I enjoyed a 5-hour unpacking and cleaning frenzy marvelling at how much more I brought back than I left with.

The shows went really well, each filled with their own moments of backstage humor and onstage goofs. I still stand by my previous post's mention about the politics of social negotation within cast tensions.

I completely marvelled and revelled in experiencing my first fall in several states. I cannot adequately describe the colors and I don't think that any fabric or crayon could ever accurately capture the colors. I think death is nature is the only amazingly beautiful death to behold and experience. Coming from two different continental homes, both of which shared two basic seasons - hot and cold - I was like a kid in a candy store constantly taking picture of trees on fire with color.

I also loved getting to see other parts of the country, and even at its worst moments it was incredible as I dealt with racial profiling in small and large towns spoke volumes. I shudder to think what an actor with a less ambiguous ethnicity would face.

I am glad to back although I felt some anxiety as I drove of the GW bridge wondering if I could re-adjust.

I can. I did. Quite easily.

Now I am looking forward to just chilling, auditioning, and looking for the next acting job.

Left My Troubles All Behind Me

2007-10-22T19:30:00.000-04:00

So touring...is rather quite fun. Completely exhausting, but fulfilling. Except, for some reason, I am sick again and it is pretty bad. No wild symptoms - all seems to be internal.

Seeing different parts of the country, both affluent and poor, has been, and continues to be, amazing. Performing for kids who would otherwise never see anything theatrical is an amazing feeling (despite my aversion to some kids).

Seeing leaves change their color for the first time in my life, set against the mountainous backdrop of North Carolina, was incredible. I am such a nature nut. We have stayed in some interesting hotels (meaning seedy, but intriguing) and are being treated to a two-day stay at a Holiday Inn Express in Greenville, South Carolina.

I am taking pictures and flagging a map (http://www.flagr.com/maps/3098) so feel free to check out all the weirdness and beauty.

Show is going well and I find that I am not getting sick of doing the same thing or doing it twice a day. The show is fun, well-written , and cleverly directed so the experience is positive.

Touring does teach you a valuable lesson in human interaction and personality negotiation. I find it best to shut up, smile, listen and stay positive. Why ruin an experience like this.

That being said, I am looking forward to getting back into the city only so I can get started auditioning again and getting more work.

I Am On My Way

2007-10-10T11:26:00.000-04:00

So the A New Generation of Song has come and gone. Things went ok, but could have been much better. I got struck with some awful cold virus that has just now run its course. It is the first time I have been sick since coming to NY and this mutated version would NOT leave my body. I managed to get to a comfortable vocal place for the performances but it was a struggle. I was not pleased with how my stuff went (well, my solos to be exact), but it could have been a lot worse.

I am not finishing up rehearsals for Henry & Mudge which heads out next week. I lucked out with a tour schedule that is really short and really loose with enough days off to be able to survey the lands. Of course, we are going to some pretty small towns where I am sure I will be great lynching material. You know, one of them fer'ners. We have Thanksgiving week off and then the rest of the schedule involves local shows which means I get to sleep in my bed.

After that, time to buckle down and get representation which I THINK I might have and then get myself submitted to as much as I can. Totally open to whatever work comes my way, but as I keep getting told that I am more easily castable in TV/Film (thanks to the surplus of "brown" roles) I have a feeling I will be going to many of those auditions. Whatever's clever, I say.

I am still dedicated to breaking this strange white barrier when it comes to theatre. While shows usually tout blind casting, what appears onstage is generally a smattering of ethnic actors that just looks like a quota fulfillment. I know that sounds awful, but that is what I see. I am no fool. I know I would not fit into a musical like The Music Man unless the production was directed completely differently, but there are a lot of musicals where my ethnicity and color would not really make a difference. Still, I walk into a room and sometimes feel immediately dismissed. It's the "what do we do with him" reaction which the voice teach warned me about. In a way, I like that because I can't be pigeon-holed, but if can't be placed in a category then I have a much harder chance of being able to say "HEY! I fit in THAT track. USE ME!"

I hear the strains of sopranos next door as auditions go on for Camelot and I think to myself....yeah...would never get into that show. But to be honest, I have pretty much let go of trying to control anything. Ima just hang onto the beast and let it drag me. I am just concerned with getting out and being seen and doing the best I can to land a job.

Easy Come, Easy Go

2007-09-14T17:42:00.000-04:00

I am now done to one NYMF show after a phone call regarding the conflicts between my H&M rehearsals and matinée performances of Maccabeat! Fortunately, it was only three rehearsals into the process, but it sucks because I generally liked the show and the people and was just starting to get to know everyone. I need to get my Equity training wheels off very quickly before I start screwing myself into a very deep pit.

I got the list of songs planned for A New Generation of Song...and they are incredible. All the songs in the show are great, in my opinion and am really looking forward to performing the material and having people come see it.

I am stepping up my hunt for representation - it's the one big-little thing I need to push me over a certain line and keep my forward (or up) momentum. Am doing some intern work with a boutique management company which will really help me get the other side of the business, which I find fascinating outside of being an actor. This connection is thanks to the fabulous Loni Ackerman (a faboo 80s Broadway Diva) who I shot The Stoop with. Not only is she incredibly talent, but also gracious and kind. I am still floored that I met her and get to talk to her.

I know, I sound like a gushing sycophant. LOL. It would be like meeting Judy Kuhn and either passing out in front of here or barfing all over her shoes. They don't make em like they used to. There is more to it all then being a superbelter.

And so the work continues. Bring on the movies, TV and shows. I am ready for 'em.

What a Week this has Been...What a Rare Mood I'm In

2007-09-03T21:15:00.000-04:00

This has been a busy week...to put it mildly.

ShowChoir! has come and gone. The run went well and people enjoyed it.

Wrapped up shooting my first film on Saturday. The process is night and day to what I am used to in the theatre, and despite the absurdly LONG hours (they are not kidding when they say you wait around) I found that I love the process and having to find and hit the moment right there and then. Makes it feel more visceral and organic to me than weeks of rehearsing. The people were great, the writer and director are AMAZING artists and human beings, and I loved the feel of being on a real set and in a real environment I could realistically interact with. This is definitely not my last venture in front of a camera. It also made me feel really good that the DP and his assistant, German and Mexican respectively, both said I photography really well on camera. Definitely not something I have ever heard.

This week I start rehearsals for two shows in NYMF: Maccabeat! and New Generation of Song. The first being a rock and roll version of a Juddaic story (was called in to audition as a replacement - Michael Cassara, what an amazingly friendly and open CD) and the second an evening of music by up and coming composers at APAC with some people I love dearly (Jeffrey, Brian and Shad). I am REALLY looking forward to both and glad I am able to fit both in thanks to opposite rehearsal schedules.

I have to take a moment in light of the piano player lashing from the last post to extol the virtues of two great accompanists. Rich ~~Silverman (I think that is his last name)~~ Silverstein and Seth Weinstein. The first I met on the audition that got me my card. A fellow actor, Rich totally knows musical theatre and understands how to play the songs. He instantly knew my song, which not many people do because no one, as far as I have heard, sings it. It's not from a show and can be a bear to play, but I like it because it's not known and has not show or character to bias it. He's an uber-friendly guy with all the right skills and understands how to support a singer. Seth is a DEMON on the keys and played my song with such vigor that I thought I was going to leap out the window and sing all the way down. Note-perfect in every way. Though I did not get a chance to chat with him, his website is an open door to his personality. Much like myself he is a lingophile and annoyed by many of the verbal/written trips and falls as I am. I think he and I would have great discussions about things others would find banal.

And lastly, I had an audition for Wicked (the morning after my first long shoot day...tired much?), and though I was late, I was able to get a slot. After a couple of hours of wandering and waking my body up I went in and had another great time singing and had a wonderful conversation with Rachel Hoffman who was incredibly nice and warm. We briefly bantered about my name and my cultural background. Gaelen only confirmed my own experience of her being a great CD in the biz.

So, not a bad week. I feel like things are progressing. Next step is to get an agent, get my SAG card and keep pushing forward. Still feel like I am floating in the ethers, but as I have been told, I need only to hang on to the beast and let it take me for a ride instead of controlling it.

Shoot the Piano Player, Please

2007-08-22T22:02:00.000-04:00

So I had two auditions yesterday.

How blase an opener.

The first one was fine. I have been having been weird auditions for the last week. Things just don't seem to be gelling when I get into the room.

But yesterday was the penultimate is crappy auditions, and my own solace is in the fact that it had NOTHING to do with me.

I sang Billy Joel's Shameless. No page turns. Chord markings galore. Easy song. Recognizable.

What ensued was the worst audition of not only my short stay in NY so far, but my entire theatrical experience. I set the book down, identified the song, the tempo, the start and stop.

We go...

I immediately realize that something does NOT sound right and realize we are not in the same keys. And it ain't me.

Then we finally latch on at the big note....and he takes off and is about two measures ahead of me and shows no signs of attempting to get it together with me. One CD is rocking out to the music with his head down, the other shows no signs of life, and I am thinking: WHAT the hell???

Now a rational person would have stopped and asked to start again. I was so curious to see a) where this train wreck was going to go, b) how I was going to get myself out of it, and c) how the CDs were going to respond.

I get done. Nothing. A thank you. I go to get my book and the accompanist gives me an apologetic look and I just want to pummel him with my binder. I walked out...head down...MORTIFIED.

I mean, MORTIFIED.

Needless to say, I was angry all the way home. And now it is just another funny anecdote in my book of: Can You Believe THIS?

Show Choir! comes to an end tomorrow. I start shooting The Stoop next week. I have a stack of auditions over the next few weeks. Then I do the new composers showcase for APAC, and then Henry and Mudge and then who knows.

And do I think I am doing enough.....nope? Gotta be more.

Huh?!?!

2007-08-08T11:47:00.000-04:00

Some things are just odd. You truly just need to hang onto the beast and let it take you for the ride.

I auditioned for my first movie on Friday. Nothing big - a little indie short film. Auditioning for movies is such a different beast from theatre. In the latter you sometimes sing a second song, do another monologue, or try a cold read differently based on the direction you receive.

In the case of the former. I was in and out of the room in under 30 seconds. I sat in a chair, slated my self, did the scene, got a thank you, and I was done. Talk about having nothing to go on for self-analysis and actor paranoid self-assessment.

But I got a call yesterday and I totally booked the gig. I literally listened to the message and said, "Huh?!?" out loud.

Now, if I could get more of those and get other theatre gigs to fall in line, then I may be on my way to achieving some bigger goals.

Show Choir! Opens this Friday for FringeNYC.

Ready! Set! ACT!

2007-08-01T12:33:00.000-04:00

Had a really great (but long) day yesterday starting with a staged reading of I Married Wyatt Earp directed by Graciela Daniele. The was pretty simple with 11 women including Ann Crumb, Marla Schaffel, and Tovah Feldshuh. Can you say I was completely starstruck for one afternoon. The show was smart, well-written and thoroughly served by amazing music and lyrics. I can't imagine it won't move anywhere beyond the reading. The highlight for me was getting to meet and shaked hands with Ms. Daniele whom I absolutely love and would die to work with. I just think she is such a smart director who simply tells a story and doesn't rely on complexities and flash.

Went to film class again and just felt out of my element and hopelessly challenged. The process and practice of film acting is so completely different from stage acting, and I keep reminding myself that it is only the third time I am in front of a camera, but talking to Brette after the class totally put me at ease. I just need to release the self-criticism (ha ha, right) and just trust my instincts. I seem to be doing something right and she believes I could totally book jobs (from her mouth to God's ears). So Ima just shut up and focus and not think about it and just listen, listen, listen.

What The....

2007-07-25T21:41:00.000-04:00

Ok, so not every NY experience is going to be a positive one. This I know....but tonight was odd.

However, above everything else, as of today I am officially a member of AEA. I have my temporary card and will get the real one in a week or so. This is definitely the start of something great and I am well aware that the hard work is just beginning for me. Now the fun begins...

I had my second audition/interview tonight with an agent. Well, actually, a manager.

The Q&A was...interesting. It is most definitley illuminating to hear how different agents, managers and CDs view the business, their place in it, and how they feel about it all.

So I go in and do my songs and what not and the reaction and feedback was...odd. And that is all I can really say without going into incriminating detail. I was left with an overwhelming feeling of: Huh?

Tonight was illustrative of the best piece of advice I ever got before I moved to New York: Bring your sense of humor!

Thanks, Gaelen.....how true those words ring.

Take My 10%...PLEASE!

2007-07-23T21:07:00.000-04:00

When it rains it pours, and that is not just in reference to the whacky, but great, weather lately.

Went to an agent seminar tonight and it could not have gone any better. I was told right there that I would be asked back to the agency to meet with the other half of the team in a month or so. I was told to prepare a monologue and if all goes well, as I hope it will, then I may have my first agent.

She was very impressed and complimentary and I am just glad I knocked it out of the park on this one. Here's hoping. Getting an agent was/is my step 2 after getting a card.

Who knows....

SHUT THE FRONT FRIGGIN' DOOR!

2007-07-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

Ok, this post was going to start out a little differently than what it is going to be now. I won't even bother delaying what would come at the end of the post.

I GOT THE FRIGGIN' JOB!

I got the call at 2:32, four and a half hours after I left the callback, and I booked the show. So I will be an Equity card-carrying member quite soon.

I am in disbelief and shock and the whole thing is just surreal to me.

I am also completely and utterly grateful and thankful to the universe and to people who have been supporting me. I know this is one tiny step, but it is in the right direction and means I don't have to wake up early in the morning to go stand in line for the chance of not being seen.

In a weird way, and this is going to sound wrong, I feel like it validates me as an actor. It shouldn't, but it does. And damn it, I am proud of it!

Ok, so the callback itself. I woke this morning unbelievably nervous. A nervousness I have not felt in a VERY long time. I could not get a handle on my legs or my breathing. And sitting outside the room waiting was murder on me. I tend not to get too excited about wanting something because it puts me in a better psychological place for whatever may happen. But I wanted this.

So I go into the room and the nerves just went away like magic. I was off-book because there was no way I was going to hold material in my hand after two days of having it. And not at a callback. I just don't think that is the way to go. Song went really well. The sides went even better. And I left feeling like it was the best audition ever and even if I did not book the job I would not be devastated because I knew I did the best I could have done.

Thankfully, no devastation needed and I got the call. I am in such disbelief but sooooooo ready for the next phase.

God I Hope I Get It

2007-07-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

No word better characterizes what I feel right now. Audition for TheatreWorks' Henry and Mudge went well yesterday. For some odd reason I felt nervous during the read, which does not happen, and held back my impulses. Thankfully, the CD called me back for Friday. To say I am desperate to book this job would be an understatement. First of all, I really the character and the song they gave me to learn is fun. So doing the show would definitely not be a drag. And I have wanted to work with TheatreWorks since I got to the city. So all libs crossed.

ShowChoir is going well. The people are very nice. Still feeling out my part. One of the reasons I like original musicals: no precedence.

The class I started with Brette Goldstein on Tuesday was pretty damned good. She is definitely honest and holds nothing back. She is also a hoot so it makes for an enjoyable three hours. For my first time in front of the camera I think it went really well. Film folk are definitely quite a different breed. The vibe is nothing like musical theatre folk. I am a wee bit of the odd man out, but s'all good. I just keep em laughing.

Off to study lines.

Summertime...And the Auditioning is Slow

2007-07-15T20:28:00.000-04:00

Summer is notoriously and laboriously slow for auditioning especially when you are non-eq. I wish I could jump on the I'm-in-a-show-no-need-to-audition, but I think that is a little bit of career suicide. It keeps my chops up and keeps me being seen.

Since the last post not much has happened. I got a call from New Perspectives Theatre about Everyday Somewhere Here. I guess they are trying to make it happen over the summer, which would be great as I would definitely love to be a part of the project.

But I am not sure how that will work with Show Choir, though I am not sure how my role will progress. I spend much of the time offstage and don't really get to sing. Not gonna lie...it sucks as a musical theatre person. But the creative team are uber nice and the cast members I have spoken to seem very congenial. It's nice that Yolanda is in it and Jeffrey is MD'ing the show.

I attended a second seminar at A/C with a CD and an agent, Duncan Stewart and Joel Carlton, respectively. It was really informative and I learned a lot from them. The Q&A went well and then we each took turns doing our pieces. It was a little awkward but I got some great feedback from the two of them, they gave me some notes and a girl to sing one of my songs to (which helped a lot). I had hoped to do better than I did...but...what actor does not sing that. Watching other people and hearing the feedback really helped as well. It really confirms that everything behind that table is subjective and out of your hands and you can only go in their with good material and rock it out. I really hope to work with both of them, representation would be even better, in the future.

This week I have a seminar with a woman who has made a career out of proofreading. It's free so I'm gonna get some tips and had her my resume. I do enjoy the process, as odd as it may seem to some people, but I find it a pleasurable challenge.

And then the big day is the 18th when I audition for TheatreWorks. Third time is a charm...God, I hope. I REALLY want to land this job and this tour. I just think it would be a lot of fun, I would get out of the city and see the country, and get paid for it. Oh yeah, AND get my card. Hello!?!!?

I have to remind myself daily that I need to be patient and not to let myself get down over something I have not given enough time to. Yes, I am adjusting down from being spoiled back home. I am adjusting from just recently finding a rabid passion for this which just pushes me even more to set higher expectations. I can't really complain because I knew this was not going to be easy.

Bring on the Jazz Hands

2007-07-04T12:42:00.000-04:00

A quick update on things.

Audition for Show Choir went well. Got a callback and all which was a surprise as it was my roughest singing audition. My voice just decided to do its own thing but I got through it.

Callback went equally well and am happy to report I was cast in the show. Although, there is a massive dose of irony here as I don't sing at all in the show and am onstage for one scene yet have the most lines in the show. The musical is built a la Behind the Scenes and I am that annoying announcer voice you hear narrating the story. It is bittersweet for me since as a singer in a musical I want to sing. And obviously doing a show is about being onstage.

But it is an original musical and things can change and be created and you never know who you will meet, so I am trying to check myself at the door, keep an open mind, and enjoy the experience of it.

If nothing else, everyone on the behind-the-table staff is REALLY nice. I mean unbelievably so.

You never know..

TYA

2007-06-27T11:15:00.000-04:00

Had my first seminar at Actor's Connection last night. It was with TheatreWork's CD Robin Carus who was SO congenial, funny and personable. Just really and honest and I loved hearing her perspective on the casting process and why she likes being a CD.

Then we had some one on ones and I sang a new song. Worked out really well and the accompanist had no probs with it.

Feedback from her was very positive. She actually remembered who I was from my first audition with her in February when I first got into the city. She told me I have the vocal skills, acting chops and presence and that she thought I was a nice guy. I would probably get sick of being called in over and over again but that it was about matching up the right type and look.

Ah...damn my ethnic non-ethnicity (keeps people guessing where I am really from) and my weight which I am STILL in the process of losing. The last 20 are proving to be right bastards. Of course, it probably does not help that I went on a binge the last three weeks and ate things I should not have been eating.

Rough month.

I have an audition in a couple of week for another TheatreWorks show and am hoping third time is indeed the charm. I would be ever so grateful to the universe to get this show, which would ultimately mean getting my card. Plus, something about travelling the country in a van with a few people and getting kids infected with the acting bug is really appealing to me.

Here's hoping...

Biding Time

2007-06-25T16:12:00.000-04:00

Summer in NYC is kind of like summer in FL except for the humidity and the pervading smell of trash.

The TONY awards have come and gone and I found myself for the first time thinking: I want to be there next year.

Or at the least, before I die.

I have a round of auditions coming up. I had to turn down the PA job doing The Sunshine Boys. It sucks, but I have some opportunities coming up that I need to take advantage of including getting my citizenship - which is all important. Want to move out of any kind of alien status and become permanently permanent so I have nothing to worry about. A green card does not equate to any kind of safety given the changing nature of immigration bills.

On the horizon are an audition for an NYCFringe show which I REALLY want to be a part of. Some EPAs for long-running Bway shows which I have no hope of getting into, but at the very least want to be seen for. Another audition for TheatreWorks (that is the one I will start praying for now that I book).

Looking into some seminars and workshops and trying to find ways to get the hell out of the apartment everyday for at least five minutes. I have become somewhat of a shut-in. I wake up every morning thinking of what I need to do to move forward, get my Equity card, and just become a working actor and have that be my number one source of income.

Every other actor's dilemma, right? They said it would be hard. I knew it would be difficult. But nothing and no one can prepare you for the combination of the business and the city and what it takes to just survive let alone try to breakthrough.

Now I know why so many New Yorkers, actors especially, go to therapy and self-medicate.

Into the Depths we Descend

2007-06-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update about the ECC for Phantom this week. Woke up at 7:30 and headed over, only to find out the AEA building did not open that day until 8:45. Signed in as fourth on the guys list. Came back home and tried to get back to sleep.

Yeah...right....

Managed to pass out for an hour and then I was back up and getting ready for the audition.

Headed back over and played the waiting game while listening to guys come and go singing their arias or musical theatre standards belting out their high C's while their testicles fell to the ground. There is so much truth to the Last Five Years lyric of "belting as high as they can." I get the sensation that a lot of singers that is the only measured standard of talent regardless of if they are capable of the high notes or not. Just go in there, tell the story live the moment, sing the song. If they want to know if you can sing high, they'll ask. Sometimes they will tell you in the call if they want to hear a high note. But if you can't sing it well, don't.

Half hour left in the call and the 28 non-eqs were finally called in to be seen, but we were cut down to 8 bars.

Never a fun last-minute change to make. Went in and sang "Too Many Morning." Got a really positive reaction and good feedback and off I went. I would love to get called back in to do the show (ensemble is just fine by me).

Have not heard back from Helmet yet so I don't think I got it, which is a shame because I REALLY wanted to do that show and work with the director. The whole team was just amazingly nice.

Hoping for Show Choir! as I have a possible in with it being MD'ed by the same MD as for A New Brain. Not saying because I know him I know I am in it, but it helps to have someone in your corner vouching for your abilities.

Memory and Movement

2007-05-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

A double header today with a callback for Helmet and an audition for Warsaw.

I was late, again, for Helmet as the subway deities decided to elect me their whipping boy. I don't understand how trains just change tracks or destination is mid-transit. Or how they just stop or stall on tracks or mid-way through stations. Mass transit in this city, compared to Europe or Japan is just one big mess.

I get there and am ushered into the movement audition. I assumed it was another reading audition and was pleasantly surprised by some contact improvisation going on. I did not want to interrupt and just jump in, and, thankfully, one of the monitors grabbed a dowel rod and invited me to play. I then danced off with an actor I read with yesterday (very cool, laid back, talented guy), the director, and another actor I did not know. It felt comfy and familiar and fun to do again. We all sat and talked briefly afterwards which just increased my desire to really do the show. So to be cliche, I hope I get it.

I had nowhere to go, so I headed over to the audition space for Warsaw and killed some time reading The Sondheim Review and listening to a soprano warble on and on and on. I was seen earlier than my time slot, met Jamibeth the director (very cool and laid back), talked about my name change (a subject of slight laughter in the room), and then went off into my song. I sang "Too Many Mornings" from Follies, one of my all-time favorite shows. It went well, but not amazing. I just stood still - a song like that doesn't require movement in my belief because of the emotional conveyance needed facially. I was done, stood there for two seconds scanning the table for any direction or reaction, got none, and headed to the piano to head out.

Jamibeth leaned down the table and asked if they needed to hear anything else, William said no, and out I went. I felt like schmuck. Felt like a big one even more so when I realized I had jumbled up the lyrics in one section. Moron. Actor self-flagellation post-audition is quite the masochistic behavior. I really wanted to do well and knock it out of the park because I love the music in the show and the idea behind the show.

I know it sounds stupid, because trying to interpret or analyze reactions in an audition situation is an exercise in futility, but I don't think I have done a good job unless I get a callback or get asked to sing again. It's ridiculous, but part of the healthy dose of paranoia every actor is saddled with. I think I sounded great and I think I was understated with the emotion because Sondheim music and larger-than-life acting is an oxymoron.

So who knows? Right? We just float from one audition to the next, try to do our best, try to give our best, and hope we fit into a type being looked for. Then we try to climb up the ladder and grab as many brass rings as we can.

I am, if nothing else, a relentless fighter. I don't know how to be anything else.

Thursday I have an ECC for Phantom. I am hoping I can even get in to be seen and if I do that I can book that job. It would be a sweet first professional gig and I could get my card. It would kind of be coming full circle for stage one for me because Phantom is one of the first three musicals I was exposed to by my best friend Karl in high school (he is the reason I started singing in the first place - the other two were The Secret Garden and Into the Woods). It would be poetic sweetness to start my professional career in the show that led me to an amateur career.

Website Birthing

2007-05-28T19:44:00.000-04:00

The website is on it's way to being completed as content is added and graphics are being created. No splash page yet but it is in the works....as soon as I figure out how to use Adobe Flash and jump over its learning curve.

I am currently in rehearsals for Regression Therapy as well as participating in the ISES Big Apple Award - both occuring in June (15th and 18th respectively).

Auditions coming up this week for a reading of William Wade's Warsaw, chorus call for The Phantom of the Opera, and a callback for the NYC Fringe production of Helmet.

Also in the works is perfoming as Ben in The Gretna Theatre's production of The Sunshine Boys and Magaldi in the 2007 national tour of Evita.

I am only four months into being a working actor in NYC (although David Sabella-Mills says it is short enough to still count in weeks) and things are progressing really well. I remind myself daily to be thankful and patient. I have big dreams and I sometimes let them get the best of me, but I need to stop and breathe and wait it all out.

It's a process after all.